What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
