Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
