remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
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Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
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Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
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