If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
