I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
