You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
