Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
