im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
