Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
