I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
