yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
