I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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