So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
