you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
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You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
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