he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
