STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
