he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
