I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
