The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
