Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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