and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
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Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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