Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
