It's Friday. Sex?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize