We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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