are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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