Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
