i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
