I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Randomize
