She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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