im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
