I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
