How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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