What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
