Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
