then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Semen is not good for contacts.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
