her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
