Cold hands, warm shart.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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