we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
