i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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