Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
