I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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