Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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