Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
