In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
