Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
