there was a trapeze. enough said
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
