so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
