My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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