So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
