At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
