So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
this boner is exhausting
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
