the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
