a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
