I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
