ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
