i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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