Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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