Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
