I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I forgot wine drunk hurts
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