A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
