I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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