I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
