youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
pray to the hookup gods
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
