I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
