Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
