my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
