So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
