if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
