Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.

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(319): View more from Iowa

i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.

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(248): View more from Michigan

Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine

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(518): View more from New York

Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping

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(310): View more from California

I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix

(1-310): View more from California

So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine

(202): View more from Washington, DC

That’s how my thanksgiving went

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